I Woke Up Like This...Exhausted.

Fatigue /fəˈtēɡ/: extreme tiredness, typically resulting from mental or physical exertion or illness

Lassitude (MS Fatigue): 

• Generally occurs on a daily basis
• May occur early in the morning, even after a restful night’s sleep
• Tends to worsen as the day progresses
• Tends to be aggravated by heat and humidity
• Comes on easily and suddenly
• Is generally more severe than normal fatigue
• Is more likely to interfere with daily responsibilities (National MS Society, 2015)

This is what I dislike most about MS, the 1:30 debate in my head of whether or not I should cancel our plans for the evening because I woke up exhausted. Even though I slept well (for at least 8 hours), I woke up feeling as if I haven't slept for days.

The dislike of this MS-fatigue is a two-parter... I dislike ,with a passion, how I can't seem to explain this to others. When I try to come up with an analogy that can somehow bridge the gap between their world and mine, it always ends with the listener having a puzzled look on their face. And questions of, "aren't you taking medication/did the treatment not help/did you have some coffee yet?" etc, etc , etc. (Followed by me trying to explain that the treatments will not stop the symptoms from happening, but that they are just there to help manage the symptoms. BUT, they may or may not help all of the time. AND that no amount of sleep can help dissolve MS fatigue or other symptoms completely. etc, etc,)

To put it simply, there isn't a simple answer, really. Though I do have somewhat of a grasp on managing symptoms and MS, it's still like being a merry-go-round (in a tornado with hands that aren't strong enough to grasp the bar tight enough.) 

I have to take this day by day, hour by hour. I have to try to not feel bad for having to cancel plans because some days, most days honestly, my body just "can't even"  with anything else other than our day to day routine. 

My IVIG nurse have me some great advice the other day... she asked me, what would I expect out of someone else in my situation. I said that I would expect that person to do their best, give the rest to God and take it day by day.

She told me that I need to give myself those same expectation. Nothing more, nothing less. (I have the best nurses :) )

When Life Throws Lemons...

Life really likes to throw sour schemes into our sweet dreams. Doesn't it?

Today was one of those days.

Husband had planned to pick up Deb, our '99 Dodge Durango, that was (FINALLY!!!)  fixed. We have been planning to sell her for a couple of months now. (She's too high off the ground to be useful for our family. Though, I will miss her sweet sound system. )

The plan was for Husband to catch a ride with our neighbor to the repair shop and stop at the grocery store to pick up some bacon and bring it home (literally) for a glorious Breakfast Feast.

I'm talking, BOMB-dot-COM, yummy breakfast, because that bacon was to be paired with some scrambled eggs, lightly buttered, toasted to PERFECTION, cinnamon swirled bread, and a cup of hot (but in my case, room temp) peach tea.

(It's a really good breakfast.)

But, 7 am came and went. Then 8 am came. And with that, the Toddler woke up (like clock-work)...And then, 8:30 came. No Husband. No bacon. No lightly buttered, toasted to perfection,  cinnamon swirled bread in view (or in my belly.) I got a hold of Husband and soon found out why he and breakfast were both MIA.

The fixed truck had died.

DIED.

He was on his way to the grocery store and Deb wasn't driving like a newly fixed truck. She puttered like a wounded, old soul. Husband (being the smart man that he is) turned back around (not far from his starting point) and drove her back into the lot where she died.

DIED.

Some back story on our adventures with Deb this year: She has had a new alternator, rear break lines, and a brand spanking new battery put into her all within a 2 month period. We've had Deb for almost three years and we haven't had ANY issues with her until 2015. Even after the three new fixes, Deb was having issues holding a charge when the battery was connected. We learned the day before that power was being drained away from bad fuses in two areas of the truck. They were disconnected and we were free to bring her home.

But when she died on her way home, after being "fixed" (again)... that was not part of the plan.

(NOT PART OF THE PLAN!!!)

Husband didn't make it home until 9:30, which in our house (and with my 'energy conservation' self) is like half of the first-half of our day gone (re-read it... it makes sense.) And, with Toddler all having a crazy energy explosion (with ATTUTUDE and huge vocabulary) we needed to get out of the house. We decided on taking her on a outing the children's museum downtown in a attempt to salvage the day, but apparently every other parent in West Michigan overheard our plan and made it their own.

It was CRAY in there. (I've never seen so many stressed out parents in one place before.)

Next, we lost the parking slip and had to over-pay for parking (grrrrr.) It was down pouring from the Heavens as if someone let the tub overflow and was like, "Meh, let it flow, let it flow..." Which then caused the sun roof of my Grand Am (Amber :) ) to leak...And Toddler particularly enjoyed trying to jump/lay down in every puddle that crossed her path.

(Soooooo NOT PART OF THE PLAN.)

....


All this to say, what happens when Life decides to downpour on your parade?

When Life chucks a bushel of lemons at your already bruised and broken-down soul?

You grab those lemons, rinse them off, and repurpose them.

I feel like my story is one that shows how God can repurpose something unwanted, ugly, and awful; into something and someone who is wanted, beautiful, and absolutely amazing. A story that can be used to help others, but most importantly a story that can be used. It may not be pretty, but God has a way of turning ugly things into beautiful things.

And, we have to make the choice to do something with the Lemons.

So, after a very eventful day full of mishaps and adventures, we end the day drinking tea with a lemon slice on the side. Repurpose it.