Husband and I have been up and down all night...
He has raced to the medicine cabinet, gotten water, powerade , snacks, pillows, blankets , a few changes of clothes, and helped with potty breaks, ...Not for our toddler though , but for me. (Post high-dose IVIG migraines feel like death ,.. I forgot about that part until this afternoon 😑)
I keep saying over and over that i'm , "so sorry for being sick." And that , if I knew I had ms before we were married, that I would have spared him this heart ache and long nights of taking care of a sick wife when he's only 26 years old...
He's only 26 years old.
I remember saying the same thing after being diagnosed with ms & being hospitalized within the same week in 2013. I felt so horrible to have thrown such a cruveball into his life after fertility issues and two miscarriages.
When ms flares come at us like a bull-dozer , wheelchairs , medications, and the list goes on and on... The lie of, " he should have married someone else who was better " wants to sneak in and wreck my heart. The lie of, " I'm no good enough" , " I'm damaged goods", " he deserves better than me..."
But, Husband always reminds me that despite the long nights, the hardship, & the frustration that MS causes... He treasures me. He loves me. He would not have changed his mind to make me his wife, his lover, his best friend, his "lady" that he'd do anything for and how happy he is with me & how blessed he is to have me.
He tells me he's blessed to have me.
Sometimes it's hard to see myself as separate from the disease ragging inside my body. I know many of us with these chronic, progressive, "there's not much else we can do for you" diseases tend to feel like we're a burden or problem for those who love us. Especially when you were always the strong one that held it all together with your own kind of flare, attitude & leopard print shoes .
We have to remember that we are not burdens, we are not our sicknesses, we are not our weaknesses, it's not our faults. (It's strange how false-guilt can creep in like that, huh?)
I have to remember that I am loved, cherished , chosen by God, my husband , family & friends .
Me, here at 4am , with a migraine (from you know where) that's finally letting up, that hasn't showered in two days... Is loved, wanted , cherished by so many.
Keeping fighting, keep praying. <333
